As time goes by...

A month has passed...

While I have been keeping myself busy with this and that be it at home and the office, I realised that there are many who are not familiar with the islamic law on "iddah". So, let me share a thing or two base on my own personal experience. 

Let us start with the definition of 'iddah' as found in babylon.com:

In Islam, iddah or iddat (; period of waiting) is the period a woman must observe after the death of her spouse or after a divorce, during which she may not marry another man. The period, three months after a divorce and four months and ten days after the death of a spouse, is calculated on the number of menses that a woman has. Iddah was intended to ensure that the male parent of any offspring produced after the cessation of a nikah would be known.

End of quote.

Many a times I found myself having to explain to family and friends about this subject matter since the demise of my beloved husband a month ago. So allow me to take this opportunity to give a brief summary of the do's and don't's for women who are in a period of 'iddah' due to the death of her husband. 

First of all and most important of all, this is an islamic law (hukum syarak) as stipulated in  the Quran (refer to Surah Al Baqarah 2:234) hence it must not be taken lightly. The Quran states clearly that the period of iddah is 4 months and 10 days. Not 100 days or 3 months or whatever else. 

Secondly during this period the widow is forbidden (haram) from the following:

1) get engaged

2) get married

3) spend the night (or sleep over) in any other house other than the house lived with the late husband

4) leaving the house at any time unless its urgent and important

5) overly dressed

For item 1 and 2, the rational behind it is as stated in the definition of iddah above. While for item 3, 4 and 5, its meant to protect the women from malicious talk (fitnah). And in addition, during this time, women are so vulnerable and would easily becomes prey to unscrupulous men. Especially an ultra rich widow! 

I must emphasise further about the 'urgent and important' in item 4. Basically the rule is simple : unless its a matter of life and death, nothing else is urgent and important. Ok. Maybe with a few exception. I suggest that you check with your trusted ustaz or ustazah before you plan to do anything. For sure, it means no shopping, no hanging out at coffee shop, no sosial visit to family or friends even due to sickness and funeral. And it is not even recommended to do haj or umrah during the time of mourning.

And as for item 5, it is adviced during this period of mourning to be modestly dress to avoid attention and refrain from wearing make up, using perfume, wearing colourful dress (including shawl) and adorning jewelry. 

Anyway, I found a posting in a blog written with  a more detailed version in the following url: http://maznahsalamin.blogspot.com/2012/01/ayanglarangan-dalam-iddah.

It's exactly a month today since he was gone. Never a day that we don't miss him dearly and he is constantly in our doa: that he is granted jannah and be among the Chosen ones. Ameen.