Jihad

Family Love

Its Hanna's birthday. Her 23rd birthday. 

This year's birthday may not be as joyous an occasion as before as we are missing a member of our family in the celebration. A very important person in her life. The only person who understood her fear and ambition. The only person who can talk sense to her doubtful mind. Because they have so many things in common and similar ways of seeing things. 

Even though as a mother I can provide her all the love and affection, support and guidance, or whatever and whatelse, we both know that there are some things that only her father can give. 

At the same time, the turn of event has suddenly force her to carry a heavier responsibility. As the older sibling. 

My wish for her is for Allah to keep her safe, gives her success and happiness that she is seeking in this life and be granted even more in the hereafter. 

Ameen.

We love you so much, Hanna.

Forever and Ever.

P.S. Birthday message from Syaza to her sister below.

You Go Girl!

Salam Jumaat Lovely People!

Time Heals

Its been 3 months since and it seems that time has stood still. At times. For me. There has been some ups and downs. As usual lah kan.... Many ups actually. Alhmadullillah.  

And little bit of downtime. 

Especially the third month. I would term it as a minor depression period. Sleepness night, morning after 'hang-over' and overall feelin of lethargic. And fear of meeting people.  I was afraid that  I would burst into tears if anyone ask how I was doing... Trying to stay cheerful while I was in pieces inside was not something that I could handle.  Which resulted in a major downtime for me. By my standard. 

Those days all I wanted to do was stay in bed all day in semi camatose.  The song by whatshisname came to mind. You know tha one that say 'Today I don't feel like doing anything, tee dee dee tee dee dee... !' 

Anyway, the doctor has kindly precribed a super large dose of "healing time". Time away from the whole world for me to grieve on my own. Technically known as medical leave. And panadol for the headache when needed. And antihistamines for the stuffy nose. Due to sleep deprived nights. 

So I was away from the office 2-3 days a week much to the chagrin of the people at work who were up to their eye balls preparing the Business Plan and AOP and stuff. So happen it was that time of the year when we practically sleep in the meeting room for days on ends. So happen the big boss was away and I was supposed to be in charged. So happen I was not in a good shape to face the world.

I even felt like quitting my job. Seriously!

And then one day, after about 3 weeks, I suddenly woke up feeling fresh and energetic and ready to slay the dragon! 

The doctor was right. All I need is time. But then again she did warn me that the 'down time' may happen now and again for quite sometime. Well, thats ok. I am more than ready for it now that I understand how it works.

To my family and friends who have never given up on me and given me room for a "time-out"..... BIG BEAR HUGS!!!

Moving on...

It's another one of those sleepness night. And it's been sometime since my last posting so I might as well do some update now. 

Why the sleepness night, you may ask...

It's a delayed reaction, the doctor said. A common experience for those who went through a similar situation. In my opinion I figured that one of the reasons for this sudden feel of something-is-missing is because I am being left idle with my little house make over project completed. The phase 1 anyway. I was doing so well the first two months  as I was kept busy and the girls being home during those time has also helped. Actually the project was supposed to keep all three of us occupied. And now that they have left for college and I have spring cleaned every corner of the house, I guess I have too much time in my hand and too much room in my mind.

So lets make an effort to move forward. Lets make some plan.

Top in my to do list is to start back photography as my hobby. My camera has been left idle far too long. Must be more than a year that I have used my DSLR. A good friend of mine has kindly taken the camera to the shop to have it checked and cleaned. And I got a new zoom lens to try out too.

And .... I have made plans for the month of December. First thing first, I plan to travel south to spend some time with my parents (at last!) and then north for a family wedding followed by a trip for umrah, insyaAllah. Mmmm... There could be spill over to January 2014. I also have made some tentative travelling plan for next year. Tee hee.....

And not forgetting the BIG plan. Things to do after retirement in May 2014. 

'Masih samar-samar' that one.

Anyway, just want to share with you what a fellow photography enthusiast came up recently. My all time favourite scene - a sunset. Courtesy from a full time achitect and great photographer school friend of mine. Thanks Ramly!

Yawn.... Goodnite. Actually it's almost morning. Zzzzz......