Wednesday, 10 October 2012
Forgive and Forget
Still on the subject of "forgive". Does anyone out there find that it's easier to forgive but harder to forget? Well, I have to admit that I am one of them.
The latest incidence happened about a year ago and I found that even though it took me a shorter time to forget the whole unpleasant incident I wasn't able to dismiss it immediately.
I found that I kept analysing the situation over and over again, what, how and why it happened. It was only until I came to a conclusion and decided on a solution that I am able to put the matter aside.
So there you are. Regardless what others say, to me forgiving is a lot more easier than to forget. And in my personal opinion, there are some cases where it may be better that you don't forget because they are part of your learning experience and can be used as your reference point.
Having said that though, we must not hold our grudge and on the look out for vengence! After all we are all human and human makes mistakes. (As long as we don't make the same mistakes twice!). And most important of all, if God is always able to forgive and forget, who are we not to? Hee.....
The latest incidence happened about a year ago and I found that even though it took me a shorter time to forget the whole unpleasant incident I wasn't able to dismiss it immediately.
I found that I kept analysing the situation over and over again, what, how and why it happened. It was only until I came to a conclusion and decided on a solution that I am able to put the matter aside.
So there you are. Regardless what others say, to me forgiving is a lot more easier than to forget. And in my personal opinion, there are some cases where it may be better that you don't forget because they are part of your learning experience and can be used as your reference point.
Having said that though, we must not hold our grudge and on the look out for vengence! After all we are all human and human makes mistakes. (As long as we don't make the same mistakes twice!). And most important of all, if God is always able to forgive and forget, who are we not to? Hee.....
Monday, 8 October 2012
Time to Forgive
I am pretty sure that all of us sometime or other have fallen into a situation that we got our self hurt or heart broken. The few times I experience them myself were as a result of my own expectation of the other person's behavior. I was pretty hurt when it happened and took sometime to get over it but it got easier once I dismissed the so called friends. Cut them off from the friends list. Hee.....
My advice, never have any specific expectation out of anyone, not even your spouse. And in keeping your relationship with friends and siblings, never put yourself as more important than anyone else. Then, you will never get hurt. You may get disappointed or frustrated now and then but it will not be the 'oh god why is this happening to me' type!
Anyways, like I mentioned time and time again, it will get easier over time and as we grow older. Why? Because our priority has changed and we look at matter from a different perspective. We look at bigger pictures and little things that used to matter are no longer important anymore.
Follow up to my last post on "Anger Management" I googled the topic on "How to Forgive". I found a very practical approach under the website wikihow.com/forgive. Do look it up.
Nite nite all. Salam.
My advice, never have any specific expectation out of anyone, not even your spouse. And in keeping your relationship with friends and siblings, never put yourself as more important than anyone else. Then, you will never get hurt. You may get disappointed or frustrated now and then but it will not be the 'oh god why is this happening to me' type!
Anyways, like I mentioned time and time again, it will get easier over time and as we grow older. Why? Because our priority has changed and we look at matter from a different perspective. We look at bigger pictures and little things that used to matter are no longer important anymore.
Follow up to my last post on "Anger Management" I googled the topic on "How to Forgive". I found a very practical approach under the website wikihow.com/forgive. Do look it up.
Nite nite all. Salam.
Sunday, 7 October 2012
Anger Management
I promised earlier that I will google to find out more about 'Anger managament' and the 'art of forgiving others' (refer 2 post earlier entitled Dwellers of Heaven)
Some common advice on how to control anger are: take time out or take deep breath. Self analyse why you are angry. Etc. Etc.
But I find that most site tell you how to manage anger as it happens but not how to avoid anger altogether. I think that would help a lot more.
For, the way I see it, once you lose your temper, it's kind of difficult to think rationally. And sometimes words already slipped out before you could call for a time out.
So, for me, the best advice is to be the kind of person who can remain calm at all time. And in my personal opinion, to be able to do that you need to be a humble person and the kind of person who do not put himself more important than anyone else.
Here is a story that I found in one of the website that I googled (www.uncommonhelp.me) that explain exactly what I mean:
Once, in ancient Japan, there was a young samurai warrior. His mastery of the sword was strong; his mastery of self weak. He happened, one morning, to come into the presence of a wise old man who was reputedly an even better swordsman than the young upstart but who didn’t feel the need to impress others.
“If you are so wise,” demanded the younger man, “then explain to me the meaning of Hell and Heaven!”
The old man turned on the young samurai. “Why should I even speak to one as bloated on self-importance, so mired in self-opinion, so stuffed full of conceit as you? Be gone, weak man!”
Now no one had ever dared speak to the samurai like that! Infuriated beyond belief, hands shaking with rage, he drew his sword and went as if to separate the ancient sage’s head from his body.
But at this point the older one turned calmly and said: “In answer to your question: that, my child, is Hell!” The warrior was amazed and humbled that the other man should endanger his own life to illustrate a point and quickly regained control of himself again. And seeing the hot-headed youth calm down, the old one gently pointed out: “And this, my son, is Heaven!”
Catch my drift? And when you are on this level, forgiving others is so easy.......
Have a good nite sleep everyone!
Some common advice on how to control anger are: take time out or take deep breath. Self analyse why you are angry. Etc. Etc.
But I find that most site tell you how to manage anger as it happens but not how to avoid anger altogether. I think that would help a lot more.
For, the way I see it, once you lose your temper, it's kind of difficult to think rationally. And sometimes words already slipped out before you could call for a time out.
So, for me, the best advice is to be the kind of person who can remain calm at all time. And in my personal opinion, to be able to do that you need to be a humble person and the kind of person who do not put himself more important than anyone else.
Here is a story that I found in one of the website that I googled (www.uncommonhelp.me) that explain exactly what I mean:
Once, in ancient Japan, there was a young samurai warrior. His mastery of the sword was strong; his mastery of self weak. He happened, one morning, to come into the presence of a wise old man who was reputedly an even better swordsman than the young upstart but who didn’t feel the need to impress others.
“If you are so wise,” demanded the younger man, “then explain to me the meaning of Hell and Heaven!”
The old man turned on the young samurai. “Why should I even speak to one as bloated on self-importance, so mired in self-opinion, so stuffed full of conceit as you? Be gone, weak man!”
Now no one had ever dared speak to the samurai like that! Infuriated beyond belief, hands shaking with rage, he drew his sword and went as if to separate the ancient sage’s head from his body.
But at this point the older one turned calmly and said: “In answer to your question: that, my child, is Hell!” The warrior was amazed and humbled that the other man should endanger his own life to illustrate a point and quickly regained control of himself again. And seeing the hot-headed youth calm down, the old one gently pointed out: “And this, my son, is Heaven!”
Catch my drift? And when you are on this level, forgiving others is so easy.......
Have a good nite sleep everyone!
Monday, 1 October 2012
Istiqamah part 2
I have written about 'istiqamah' before sometimes in July. In that post I wrote about HOW to be 'continuously consistent' in what we do when we do something. Usually it's applied to doing something good.
The same subject was raised again last week end and this time we were informed WHY. The ustaz was saying that it's better to do a little at a time but all the time than splurge everything in one go.
For example. Giving a ringgit a day everyday to the mosque is better than RM50 a month. Or whenever you have that extra cash.
When I heard that I was puzzled. What is wrong by giving away say RM500 a year than RM1 a day everyday?
Isn't it better for example if I were to complete sewing my cross stitch in two days than doing a stitch at a time over two months? I get to use it immediately and can spend the rest of the time doing something else. Right?
Wrong!
You see, the ustaz explained, when you do something no matter how small but on a regular basis, over a long period, it will become a habit. And you will find that something is missing if you for some reason couldn't do it for even one day.
That's exactly how it should feel like. The feeling of lost. Missing that 'feel-good' feeling. And that's Istiqamah.
And after awhile you will find that doing it once a day may not be enough and you want to do more. To get that more of that feel-good feeling.
A good example is the daily prayers. After sometime you feel like doing the solat sunat (before or/and after the solat fardhu). Later you add on the solat duha. Then the witir. And then the tahajud. And so on and so forth.
It will just snowball....
But just remember. When we do bad stuff it will give a similar effect in a way. After awhile you no longer feel guilty over it and it will turn into bad habits.
So, the choice is your folks!
The same subject was raised again last week end and this time we were informed WHY. The ustaz was saying that it's better to do a little at a time but all the time than splurge everything in one go.
For example. Giving a ringgit a day everyday to the mosque is better than RM50 a month. Or whenever you have that extra cash.
When I heard that I was puzzled. What is wrong by giving away say RM500 a year than RM1 a day everyday?
Isn't it better for example if I were to complete sewing my cross stitch in two days than doing a stitch at a time over two months? I get to use it immediately and can spend the rest of the time doing something else. Right?
Wrong!
You see, the ustaz explained, when you do something no matter how small but on a regular basis, over a long period, it will become a habit. And you will find that something is missing if you for some reason couldn't do it for even one day.
That's exactly how it should feel like. The feeling of lost. Missing that 'feel-good' feeling. And that's Istiqamah.
And after awhile you will find that doing it once a day may not be enough and you want to do more. To get that more of that feel-good feeling.
A good example is the daily prayers. After sometime you feel like doing the solat sunat (before or/and after the solat fardhu). Later you add on the solat duha. Then the witir. And then the tahajud. And so on and so forth.
It will just snowball....
But just remember. When we do bad stuff it will give a similar effect in a way. After awhile you no longer feel guilty over it and it will turn into bad habits.
So, the choice is your folks!
Sunday, 30 September 2012
The Dwellers of Heaven
It's been sometime since I attended my Sunday Class and lo and behold, on the very day that I managed to get the time to do so, the subject of discussion was very much a matter close to my heart.
This morning we talked about one of characteristics that we should have which is called 'tasamuh' meaning 'tolerance'. And the Ustaz quoted one surah that describes the dwellers of Heaven in relation to the subject matter. And they are;
1) those who spend for the sake of Allah whether in prosperity or adversity
2) those who are able to control their anger
3) those who forgive others easily. No matter how bad it was. Hah!
2 and 3 above are characteristics which I feel are more difficult to acquire compared to 1. Don't you think so? But if we want to be among the chosen few, we must be able to be just like that!
Maybe there are tips on how to control our anger and how to forgive others. I will google and find out and let you all know about it later on, ok!
Salam and goodnite. Sweet dreams everyone!
This morning we talked about one of characteristics that we should have which is called 'tasamuh' meaning 'tolerance'. And the Ustaz quoted one surah that describes the dwellers of Heaven in relation to the subject matter. And they are;
1) those who spend for the sake of Allah whether in prosperity or adversity
2) those who are able to control their anger
3) those who forgive others easily. No matter how bad it was. Hah!
2 and 3 above are characteristics which I feel are more difficult to acquire compared to 1. Don't you think so? But if we want to be among the chosen few, we must be able to be just like that!
Maybe there are tips on how to control our anger and how to forgive others. I will google and find out and let you all know about it later on, ok!
Salam and goodnite. Sweet dreams everyone!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)