Charisma

10 habits of remarkably charismatic people:

1. They listen way more than they talk.

-Ask questions. Maintain eye contact. Smile. Frown. Nod. Respond--not so much verbally, but nonverbally.
That's all it takes to show the other person they're important.
-Then when you do speak, don't offer advice unless you're asked. Listening shows you care a lot more than offering advice, because when you offer advice in most cases you make the conversation about you, not them.
-Don't believe me? Who is "Here's what I would do..." about: you or the other person?
-Only speak when you have something important to say--and always define important as what matters to the other person, not to you.

2. They don't practice selective hearing.

-Some people (I guarantee you know people like this) are incapable of hearing anything said by the people they feel are somehow beneath them.
-Sure, you speak to them, but that particular falling tree doesn't make a sound in the forest, because there's no one actually listening.
-Remarkably charismatic people listen closely to everyone, and they make all of us, regardless of our position or social status or "level," feel like we have something in common with them.
Because we do: We're all people.

3. They put their stuff away.

-Don't check your phone. Don't glance at your monitor. Don't focus on anything else, even for a moment.
-You can never connect with others if you're busy connecting with your stuff, too.
-Give the gift of your full attention. That's a gift few people give. That gift alone will make others want to be around you and remember you.

4. They give before they receive and often they never receive.

-Never think about what you can get. Focus on what you can provide. Giving is the only way to establish a real connection and relationship.
-Focus, even in part and even for a moment, on what you can get out of the other person, and you show that the only person who really matters is you.

5. They don't act self-important

-The only people who are impressed by your stuffy, pretentious, self-important self are other stuffy, pretentious, self-important people.
-The rest of us aren't impressed. We're irritated, put off, and uncomfortable.
-And we hate when you walk in the room.

6. Because they realize other people are more important.

-You already know what you know. You know your opinions. You know your perspectives and points of view. That stuff isn't important, because it's already yours. You can't learn anything from yourself.
-But you don't know what other people know, and everyone, no matter who they are, knows things you don't know. That makes them a lot more important than you--because they're people you can learn from.

7. They shine the spotlight on others.

-No one receives enough praise. No one. Tell people what they did well.
Wait, you say you don't know what they did well?
Shame on you--it's your job to know. It's your job to find out ahead of time.
-Not only will people appreciate your praise, they'll appreciate the fact you care enough to pay attention to what they're doing.
Then they'll feel a little more accomplished and a lot more important.

8. They choose their words.

-The words you use impact the attitude of others.
For example, you don't have to go to a meeting; you get to go meet with other people. You don't have to create a presentation for a new client; you get to share cool stuff with other people. You don't have to go to the gym; you get to work out and improve your health and fitness.
-We all want to associate with happy, enthusiastic, fulfilled people. The words you choose can help other people feel better about themselves--and make you feel better about yourself, too.

9. They don't discuss the failings of others

-Granted, we all like hearing a little gossip. We all like hearing a little dirt.
-The problem is, we don't necessarily like (and we definitely don't respect) the people who dish that dirt.
-Don't laugh at other people. When you do, the people around you wonder if you sometimes laugh at them.

10. But they readily admit their failings.

-Incredibly successful people are often assumed to have charisma simply because they're successful. Their success seems to create a halo effect, almost like a glow. The keyword is seem.
-You don't have to be incredibly successful to be remarkably charismatic. Scratch the shiny surface, and many successful people have all the charisma of a rock.
-But you do have to be incredibly genuine to be remarkably charismatic.
-Be humble. Share your screwups. Admit your mistakes. Be the cautionary tale. And laugh at yourself.
-While you should never laugh at other people, you should always laugh at yourself. People won't laugh at you. People will laugh laugh with you.
They'll like you better for it and they'll want to be around you a lot more.

Note: Thanks to my friend Normah for sharing

Colours of My Life.

Another year. Another birthday last week end. For my first born. Somehow I feel so blessed. Even though it's nothing more special than last year. Or the year before. In fact last year would have been more special as it was her 21st birthday.

Yes, I feel truly blessed for been bestowed with two lovely girls. I truly hope that I have done my duty to be a great mother whom they see not just as a Mother but also as an advisor, confidant and a friend. It would be such an honour if I am the first person they turn to for help or advice (other than their father of course). It would be wonderful to know that I am a big instrument in shaping their life. And most of all, I do hope that with the guidance that have been given to them they will turn up to be responsible persons in carrying out their duties to God, people around them and the environment. (should I put the country as well? Nah! Too pushy!)

Having them certainly has added values to my life. Watching them grow in the different stages of life into adulthood. Seeing their progress and maturity as we go along. Sharing their ups and downs. Their joy and sadness.

Thank you Allah. I am truly blessed.
Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah.

Ya Allah, ya Haiyum, ya Qaiyum.
Jadikan anak2 kami anak2 yang solehah,
Yang sentiasa beriman dan bertaqwa kepada Mu,
Dan beramal ibadat kerana Mu, ya Allah.
Ameen ya rabbal ngalamin.

Note to self: Puasa Arafah

Nabi shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam menjadikan penekanan ibadah pada 10 hari awal Dzulhijjah tersebut daripada hari-hari lainnya. Hal ini sebagai dalil umum yang menunjukkan keutamaanya. Jika sepuluh hari pertama Dzulhijjah dikatakan hari yang utama, maka itu menunjukkan keutamaan beramal pada hari-hari tersebut. Sebagaimana Nabi shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam bersabda,

مَا مِنْ أَيَّامٍ الْعَمَلُ الصَّالِحُ فِيهَا أَحَبُّ إِلَى اللَّهِ مِنْ هَذِهِ الأَيَّامِ يَعْنِى أَيَّامَ الْعَشْرِ. قَالُوا يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ وَلاَ الْجِهَادُ فِى سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ قَالَ وَلاَ الْجِهَادُ فِى سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ إِلاَّ رَجُلٌ خَرَجَ بِنَفْسِهِ وَمَالِهِ فَلَمْ يَرْجِعْ مِنْ ذَلِكَ بِشَىْءٍ

"Tidak ada satu amal sholeh yang lebih dicintai oleh Allah melebihi amal sholeh yang dilakukan pada hari-hari ini (yaitu 10 hari pertama bulan Dzul Hijjah)." Para sahabat bertanya: "Tidak pula jihad di jalan Allah?" Nabi shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam menjawab: "Tidak pula jihad di jalan Allah, kecuali orang yang berangkat jihad dengan jiwa dan hartanya namun tidak ada yang kembali satupun." [1]

Jika puasa di sepuluh hari awal Dzulhijjah dikatakan utama, maka itu menunjukkan bahwa puasa pada hari-hari tersebut lebih utama dari puasa Senin-Kamis, puasa tiga hari setiap bulannya, bahkan lebih afdhol dari puasa yang diperbanyak oleh seseorang di bulan Muharram atau di bulan Sya’ban. Puasa di sepuluh hari pertama Dzulhijjah bisa dikatakan utama karena makna tekstual yang dipahami dari sabda Nabi shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam. [2]

Yang menjadi dalil keutamaan puasa pada awal Dzulhijjah adalah hadits dari Hunaidah bin Kholid, dari istrinya, beberapa istri Nabi shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam mengatakan,

عَنْ بَعْضِ أَزْوَاجِ النَّبِىِّ -صلى الله عليه وسلم- قَالَتْ كَانَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ -صلى الله عليه وسلم- يَصُومُ تِسْعَ ذِى الْحِجَّةِ وَيَوْمَ عَاشُورَاءَ وَثَلاَثَةَ أَيَّامٍ مِنْ كُلِّ شَهْرٍ أَوَّلَ اثْنَيْنِ مِنَ الشَّهْرِ وَالْخَمِيسَ.

“Rasulullah shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam biasa berpuasa pada sembilan hari awal Dzulhijah, pada hari ‘Asyura’ (10 Muharram), berpuasa tiga hari setiap bulannya, ...” [3]

Kata Ibnu Rajab Al Hambali rahimahullah bahwa di antara sahabat yang mempraktekkan puasa selama sembilan hari awal Dzulhijah adalah Ibnu ‘Umar. Ulama lain seperti Al Hasan Al Bashri, Ibnu Sirin dan Qotadah juga menyebutkan keutamaan berpuasa pada hari-hari tersebut. [4]

Bagi orang yang tidak berhaji dianjurkan untuk menunaikan puasa Arafah yaitu pada tanggal 9 Dzulhijjah. Hal ini berdasarkan hadits Abu Qotadah, Nabi shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam bersabda,

صِيَامُ يَوْمِ عَرَفَةَ أَحْتَسِبُ عَلَى اللَّهِ أَنْ يُكَفِّرَ السَّنَةَ الَّتِى قَبْلَهُ وَالسَّنَةَ الَّتِى بَعْدَهُ وَصِيَامُ يَوْمِ عَاشُورَاءَ أَحْتَسِبُ عَلَى اللَّهِ أَنْ يُكَفِّرَ السَّنَةَ الَّتِى قَبْلَهُ

“Puasa Arafah dapat menghapuskan dosa setahun yang lalu dan setahun akan datang. Puasa Asyura (10 Muharram) akan menghapuskan dosa setahun yang lalu.” [5]

Hadits ini menunjukkan bahwa puasa Arofah lebih utama daripada puasa ‘Asyuro. Di antara alasannya, Puasa Asyuro berasal dari Nabi Musa, sedangkan puasa Arafah berasal dari Nabi kita Muhammad shallallahu ’alaihi wa sallam. [6]

Keutamaan puasa Arafah adalah akan menghapuskan dosa selama dua tahun dan dosa yang dimaksudkan di sini adalah dosa-dosa kecil. Atau bisa pula yang dimaksudkan di sini adalah diringankannya dosa besar atau ditinggikannya derajat.

Semoga Allah memberikan kita kemudahan untuk melakukan amalan puasa tersebut.

Hanya Allah yang memberi taufik dan hidayah.

Concious Competence

It's not the first time that it happened to me. And I am pretty sure that it happened to many others too.

There you go driving on a familiar road going to a specific destination while enjoying the songs on the radio and maybe singing along to your favourite tune. And suddendly you realised that you missed the turn. You are so used to using that road be it to work or home from work that your mind automatically take the same route even though you were actually planning to go somewhere else that day.

Sound familiar?

Scientifically that is called 'unconcious competence'. (not sure if I talked about this before, but anyways....). When you try to do something new, at first you will feel uncomfortable and it takes time for you to get used to it. This is the stage where its called 'concious incompetence'. You have to be concious and alert of doing it or you won't be able to it well. (a good example is learning how to drive). Once you get the hang of it, then you will be at the stage of 'concious competence'. You can do it well enough but you still need to be focused on it. And when you can do it with your 'eyes closed' as they say it then you are at the stage of 'unconcious competence'. You can do it without having to put so much thought.

Get the picture?

Now, it gets me to thinking. This is why it is sometimes difficult to change an old habit. We are so used to doing it all our life that even if we decide to change, if we don't conciously make the effort at all time, chances are that we will go back to the old ways. Hence we have to have the discipline, determination and steadfast. Otherwise, we can get astray.

More so when it comes to any matter related to the religion. The whispers from the devils are not helping at all! Hee....

So, there you are my friends, now that you know the scientific reason for it, perhaps it will help you to stay on course and keep you pushing onwards with more determination! And in my opinion it's better to stay on the 'concious competence' state of mind most of the time so that we are always focused in whatever that we do. And we don't get carried away so easily.

P.S. By the way, there is one more stage prior to the concious incompetence. Its called, 'unconcious incompetence'. This is when you don't realise that you need a certain skill. It's not exactly a stage of ignorant, it's more likely that you do not need that particilar skill at that particular time until sometime later.

Personally, I would term this stage as the 'dumb blond' stage. Hee....

Good nite lovely people.

Nightingale

Strange. I am hearing the chirping of a bird in the middle of the night. Somehow I can't help feeling the joy from that sound. Even at this time of the night.

Sounds of birds chirping always manage to lift my spirit. Especially in the morning. Imagine this; breakfast outdoor in the cool morning air or by the window with the cool morning breeze with the sound of bird chirping nearby. Heaven!

Anyhow, on occasion like this I cannot help feeling really blessed. There are so many little things that sometimes being taken for granted. I have to constantly remind myself that there are so many things that I have to be grateful and thankful for.

Life has been good. Life has treated me well. Life has given me plenty of lessons to learn. Life has made me stronger. Life has taught me how to appreciate life. Life has made me more appreciative of what is around me. And the people around me.

Alhamdulillah. Thank you little bird for reminding me how blessed I am.

Manners of Sleeping

Found this useful info in www.zikr.co.uk:


1. One should recite 'Bismillah' whilst closing the doors and latching the lock.
2. Containers with foodstuff including water should be covered with the recitation of 'Bismillah'.
3. To put out any burning fire i.e. candles, fireplace etc..
4. To switch off or put out anything that may catch alight if left on.
5. To discuss, with members of the household, matters relating to Islam. For example, by telling stories (of Sahabas, etc.) or simply talking about matters that pleases the family but within the confines of Shariah.
6. To have available Surma and apply three times in the right and left eye.
7. It is desirable (Mustahab) to sleep with wudhu the Sunnah way.
8. To sleep in the state of purity, (i.e. with Wudhu and Ghusl if necessary). If one has just made Wudhu prior to the sleep then it would not be necessary to repeat the Wudhu. If one is not able to make Wudhu then tayammum (dry ablution) will suffice.
9. To lay or spread the bed yourself.
10. To clean the bed three times with a cloth before sleeping.
11. When a child reaches the age of ten, he must not sleep in the same room as his sister, mother or another woman except his wife.
12. For two men to sleep on one bed or in one blanket is not permissible, it has been prohibited in the hadith.
13. A child of ten must not sleep in the same bed as the husband and wife.
14. The feet should not be facing towards Makkah or Madinah.
15. Before sleeping recite 'Bismillah' and the three Quls , and thereafter to blow on the palms and rub three times on one's entire body ' beginning from the head and ending at the toes.
16. To use a pillow is Sunnah (to rest one's head on).
17. The Messenger (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) disliked lying on the stomach.
18. Do not have your feet facing the Qur'an or other religious books and if the books are higher than the feet there is no problem.
19. To recite any Surah from the Qur'an one remembers, especially Surah Mulk , Surah Sajdah , Surah Bani Israeel and Surah Zumar .
20. To recite Surah Waaqi'ah before sleeping as this safeguards one from hunger and poverty.
21. To recite Tasbih-e-Fatima and Kalimah Tayyab once, before sleeping.
22. To keep a prayer mat for the Tahajjud prayer besides the head is a Sunnah.
23. When going to sleep, remember your grave as you will be sleeping on your own with your deeds and no one will be there with you.
24. Remember Allah (The Exalted) because the state a person sleeps in is the state in which one will wake up.
25. Do not sleep after 'Asr as there is a chance of loosing the intellect and it is disliked (Makrooh) to sleep in the beginning part of the morning and between Maghrib and Isha.

Sleep like a baby

Islam calls for us to sleep the right way so that not only we get a good night sleep but also befitting to our health.

Imam Shafa'i (may Allah have mercy upon him) states that there are four types of sleep;
1. One is to lie on the back this is the sleep of the Prophets,
2. One is to sleep on the right side which is the sleep of the worshippers,
3. One is to sleep on the left which is the sleep of the rulers
4. And one is to sleep on the stomach that is the sleep of the devil.
We should sleep according to the Sunnah as there are many benefits including health benefits.

Do refer to the photo below the right sleeping position.

And don't forget to recite the dua before sleeping (refer to attachment) as well as the following surah at the very minimum: surah Al-Fatihah and the three Quls , and thereafter to blow on the palms and rub three times on one's entire body ' beginning from the head and ending at the toes.

Other surah good to read before sleeping are Surah Mulk , Surah Sajdah , Surah Bani Israeel and Surah Zumar. To recite Surah Waaqi'ah is also good as this safeguards one from hunger and poverty.

Good nite and sleep tight!

Forgive and Forget

Still on the subject of "forgive". Does anyone out there find that it's easier to forgive but harder to forget? Well, I have to admit that I am one of them.

The latest incidence happened about a year ago and I found that even though it took me a shorter time to forget the whole unpleasant incident I wasn't able to dismiss it immediately.

I found that I kept analysing the situation over and over again, what, how and why it happened. It was only until I came to a conclusion and decided on a solution that I am able to put the matter aside.

So there you are. Regardless what others say, to me forgiving is a lot more easier than to forget. And in my personal opinion, there are some cases where it may be better that you don't forget because they are part of your learning experience and can be used as your reference point.

Having said that though, we must not hold our grudge and on the look out for vengence! After all we are all human and human makes mistakes. (As long as we don't make the same mistakes twice!). And most important of all, if God is always able to forgive and forget, who are we not to? Hee.....

Forgiveness

Time to Forgive

I am pretty sure that all of us sometime or other have fallen into a situation that we got our self hurt or heart broken. The few times I experience them myself were as a result of my own expectation of the other person's behavior. I was pretty hurt when it happened and took sometime to get over it but it got easier once I dismissed the so called friends. Cut them off from the friends list. Hee.....

My advice, never have any specific expectation out of anyone, not even your spouse. And in keeping your relationship with friends and siblings, never put yourself as more important than anyone else. Then, you will never get hurt. You may get disappointed or frustrated now and then but it will not be the 'oh god why is this happening to me' type!

Anyways, like I mentioned time and time again, it will get easier over time and as we grow older. Why? Because our priority has changed and we look at matter from a different perspective. We look at bigger pictures and little things that used to matter are no longer important anymore.

Follow up to my last post on "Anger Management" I googled the topic on "How to Forgive". I found a very practical approach under the website wikihow.com/forgive. Do look it up.

Nite nite all. Salam.

Anger Management

I promised earlier that I will google to find out more about 'Anger managament' and the 'art of forgiving others' (refer 2 post earlier entitled Dwellers of Heaven)

Some common advice on how to control anger are: take time out or take deep breath. Self analyse why you are angry. Etc. Etc.

But I find that most site tell you how to manage anger as it happens but not how to avoid anger altogether. I think that would help a lot more.

For, the way I see it, once you lose your temper, it's kind of difficult to think rationally. And sometimes words already slipped out before you could call for a time out.

So, for me, the best advice is to be the kind of person who can remain calm at all time. And in my personal opinion, to be able to do that you need to be a humble person and the kind of person who do not put himself more important than anyone else.

Here is a story that I found in one of the website that I googled (www.uncommonhelp.me) that explain exactly what I mean:

Once, in ancient Japan, there was a young samurai warrior. His mastery of the sword was strong; his mastery of self weak. He happened, one morning, to come into the presence of a wise old man who was reputedly an even better swordsman than the young upstart but who didn’t feel the need to impress others.

“If you are so wise,” demanded the younger man, “then explain to me the meaning of Hell and Heaven!”

The old man turned on the young samurai. “Why should I even speak to one as bloated on self-importance, so mired in self-opinion, so stuffed full of conceit as you? Be gone, weak man!”

Now no one had ever dared speak to the samurai like that! Infuriated beyond belief, hands shaking with rage, he drew his sword and went as if to separate the ancient sage’s head from his body.

But at this point the older one turned calmly and said: “In answer to your question: that, my child, is Hell!” The warrior was amazed and humbled that the other man should endanger his own life to illustrate a point and quickly regained control of himself again. And seeing the hot-headed youth calm down, the old one gently pointed out: “And this, my son, is Heaven!”

Catch my drift? And when you are on this level, forgiving others is so easy.......

Have a good nite sleep everyone!

Istiqamah part 2

I have written about 'istiqamah' before sometimes in July. In that post I wrote about HOW to be 'continuously consistent' in what we do when we do something. Usually it's applied to doing something good.

The same subject was raised again last week end and this time we were informed WHY. The ustaz was saying that it's better to do a little at a time but all the time than splurge everything in one go.

For example. Giving a ringgit a day everyday to the mosque is better than RM50 a month. Or whenever you have that extra cash.

When I heard that I was puzzled. What is wrong by giving away say RM500 a year than RM1 a day everyday?

Isn't it better for example if I were to complete sewing my cross stitch in two days than doing a stitch at a time over two months? I get to use it immediately and can spend the rest of the time doing something else. Right?

Wrong!

You see, the ustaz explained, when you do something no matter how small but on a regular basis, over a long period, it will become a habit. And you will find that something is missing if you for some reason couldn't do it for even one day.

That's exactly how it should feel like. The feeling of lost. Missing that 'feel-good' feeling. And that's Istiqamah.

And after awhile you will find that doing it once a day may not be enough and you want to do more. To get that more of that feel-good feeling.

A good example is the daily prayers. After sometime you feel like doing the solat sunat (before or/and after the solat fardhu). Later you add on the solat duha. Then the witir. And then the tahajud. And so on and so forth.

It will just snowball....

But just remember. When we do bad stuff it will give a similar effect in a way. After awhile you no longer feel guilty over it and it will turn into bad habits.

So, the choice is your folks!