Thursday, 26 December 2013

Stairway to Heaven

InsyaAllah I shall be making a trip to perform umrah with two of my sisters. My flight leave early tomorrow morning 26 Dec 2013 and scheduled to be back on 5 Jan 2014. It is a trip that I have planned and been looking forward to this year. 

It will also be the last journey for the year 2013 and also the first journey of the 2014. How apt!

To all my friends and relatives, I seek your forgiveness for any wrong doings and please doa/pray that I will be in excellent health and that all will be well accordingly to plan.

InsyaAllah I will be back with a new lease of life and a high spirit to move to the next chapter of my life.

May Allah bless everyone and I shall certaily pray for the well being of all my friends and relatives.  

InsyaAllah.

Friday, 20 December 2013

A Day of Joy

It's been sometime that I have driven a long distance journey. Alhamdulillah. The weather was on my side. Clear blue sky almost all the way to Seberang Prai with the exception of a few minutes of sudden rain. It was a pleasant journey with my sister and her young ones. We talked all the way and before we know it we have arrived our destination. A good 4 hours drive with a short pit stop in Simpang Pulai.

And its been sometime that I have been up north. It reminded me of those days when we drived regularly as a family to visit our eldest girl who was in a college in Pematang Pauh. That was like 3 years back. And this time around the reason for the journey is the marriage of our nephew who has chosen a bride from the north. The nikah was today and tomorrow will be the reception at the bride's family. And immediately after we will make our way back home.

Yup. Its just a one nighter. But its worth the journey. To see the happy faces. The tears of joys. And the glowing bride and bridegroom, filled with anticipation of a bright future together. 

Life is full of promises. Create and treasure every moment. Make the most of your time together. And appreciate one another. Thats my advice. 

May Allah bless this union and may He grant you happiness till the end of time.

Aameen. 

                        

Monday, 16 December 2013

Expect the Unexpected when you least Expected

It has been a strange week. A mix bag. Mix feeling. The photo below give a brief summary of the happening but doesnt really tell all. I know. May be we will just have a chat over coffee shall we?

Good nite. Maaf zahir batin.


Sunday, 8 December 2013

Good Times Roll

 I am touched. I got to know that my writing has helped at least one person who is facing some difficult times.  I have been writing as a form of "let-out" for me and knowing that it has also help others is a real bonus. 

Alhamdulillah.

Anyways, as you all know very well, I am now back to my 'normal' day to day life without the 'restriction'. And you also are very much aware of my travelling plans and get together. Err... I think I have overdone it with the catching ups and get togethers. I swear I have put back the pounds that I have lost during the 4 months of eddah within the last two weeks! Seriously!

First of all, being at my parents home always means non stop eating and snacking. How can we resist the home cooked meal. Local Johor food, you alls! 

And the lunches and dinners amidst chats and laughters..... The feel good feeling simply brings out more flavours in the good food. It's true!

Who am kidding! Ha ha ha.... Actually being home late means I didn't have my usual half an hour on the exercise bike. LOL!

But it's all worth it. More catch ups and get togethers coming up soon.

And another short trip coming up too. A 3 days off site training in Melaka. And you know what? I forgot how to pack. The last time that had to pack a bag was way in February. Since then I had declined even an overnight off site meeting to be with my late hubby. ('Balik kampung' last week end doesn't count since I didn't really have to pack a bag).

I guess, I had better go upstairs and make an attempt to pack my stuff. Probably will end up bringing more than I need but hey, it will be a road trip so I can stuff as much as I want in the car! Ha ha!

Good niight everyone! Hope that it has been a wonderful week end for all and here's wishing everyone a great week ahead!

 

Sunday, 1 December 2013

Down the Memory Lane

Its always good to be back home in our hometown. Where we were born. Where we grew up in. Where we played and learned. 

No matter how old we are, and how long we have set up our own home and family else where,  the feeling of 'being home' is still strong when we go back to our hometown. Especially when our parents are still living there. 

I guess its because it brings back a lot of memories. This morning I took a walk along the street where I used to take to go to my primary school. Its a good 1 km away. It didn't  seem that far those days. Simply because I usually walked with a friend and we would chat all the way there and never really noticed the distance. 

The landscape has changed somewhat but its still the road down memory lane...

And during my secondary school I would cycle to school with a couple of friends. The three of us even wear matching jackets and we have a name for our group. *giggle* Typical behaviour of students from an all girls school. 

Yup! Looking back I had a lot fun back in the early 70ies. I spent a lot of time in school with the school activities and 'other' activities with friends. Such that my Dad heaved a huge sigh of relief when I was offerred to continue my Form 4&5 in a boarding school. He probably thought that since I spent so much time in school, might as well stay in the school!

Oh yes. Those carefree days. The young and innocence. Mind you I was quite a 'tomboy' then! *giggle giggle* If I were to turn back time I would not change anything for the world. 

I had fun in the boarding school too but thats another story. And those are the pre-adolescent years. So they are kind of  different. If you know what I mean. And its a co-ed school some more. And SPM! The exam that is considered to be the critical 'make it or break it' platform for the future! Totally different 'adventure' altogether ! 

Its been sometime since I was back and I   am feeling so blessed and nostalgic at the same time. I hope that everyone else are having a good time too over the week end. 

May Allah continues to bless us all and may He grants us long lives filled with all the goodness in this world. 

Aameen. 




Thursday, 28 November 2013

Mummy's Day Out

Last Monday was my last day of eddah and I had lunch 'dates' with friends on Tuesday and Wednesday as well as tomorrow Friday. (Thursday is a day for fasting). 

And not to be left out my girls also insisted on having dinner on Tuesday itself to 'mark' the day. (Aren't they adorable?!) I would not use the word 'celebrate' as its not really an occasion of celebration, is it? Its like after a confinement. You would go out for a good meal after the 44 days of strict diet and restricted activities too. 

But its not the same kind of dinner celebration on the occasion of one's birthday or passing an exam or such like. It is a more muted occasion. Still the end of eddah deserves an outing to give recognition of an achievement. For those who follow strictly on the eddah rules. 

And also it is good to show the rest of the world that we are not in mourning any more for we are certainly not encouraged to grieve longer than necessary. 

Anyway, since my girls were unable to go out on the same night, I was more than happy to go out for dinner separately with each of them on a different night. Funnily enough both chose to go for Japanese food. And I certainly has no advertion to having shashimi and teriyaki two nights in a row. 

This week end I will be going back to my hometown to see my parents. I am so looking forwards to that. The last time when I was back was a day trip on the first day of Hari Raya. 

Yup! Looking forward for this trip! And this little trip will be the 'maiden' trip before many more trips to come! Watch out world! Here I come! 

Bon apetite and bon voyage! 

P.S. Photo of one of the dishes we had yesterday! Taken by Syaza.

Saturday, 23 November 2013

Moving Forward

You say that time flies. You know what? The last 4 months have been the longest in my life. It seemed like time has stood still. And then suddenly the period of eddah (of 4 months and 10 days) is almost over. Tomorrow will be the last day. The grieving and mourning period is officially over. 

Everyone who knows me knows that I am an outdoorish type of person and probably think that the last 4 plus months has cramped my style. Well, truth be told the 4 plus months has given me plenty of good things. Apart from the fact that it has given me the much-needed time to grieve and hide, it has also given me time to get back into shape! LOL! 

One thing for sure, its a good thing that I am required to wear 'mourning' clothes (dark colours and loose fitting) during this time as it has helped to hide my out of shape bods! Well, I have made full use of the stay-at-home rules. Daily half an hour exercise and simple meals has managed to get me back on track. 

Talking about loose fitting clothes, I kind of gotten used to wearing 'jubah' to work. They are certainly much more comfortable and somehow make me feel more feminine. Especially those with wide skirt and flowy material. So I may just continue wearing them. Well, maybe not everyday. And certainly those with brighter colours. And colourful scarves too. Hey! This calls for a day for shopping! Yeay! I really miss shopping! *grin*

Something else I miss is the 'time-out' with friends. I follow strictly to the eddah rules which includes no socializing in public places. And that means no lunch break at the cafe in the office either. I have my lunch in my room in the office most time but at time some friends dropped by to keep me company or have lunch with me. (You guys rock! You know who you are!) But most time we are all so busy anyway, and lunch has been such a rushed occasion. 

So Tuesday onwards there will be a lot of catching ups to do over lunch or dinner. I really need to get back in touch with all the lovely people out there. Plus I really miss sipping coffee at leisure while watching the world go by....

Well. It will be another phase in my life. But thats life. You win some. You lose some. They are all whats good for us regardless. As it's Allah's will, afterall. 

To everyone who has stood by me, I hope that you will continue to be a big part of my life every step of the way. InsyaAllah.
 

Tuesday, 19 November 2013

Love is Forever

Today I had a sudden urge to take out my camera and lo and behold I found this photo in the memory card. I don't remember having this photo taken and who took the shot. But I remember the occasion. It was my niece's wedding. 3 years ago. I think. She has a one year old son now. So that should be about the right time.

Anyway, it was 4 months ago today. Since he was gone. And I do believe that he has gone to a better place. Waaaay better! 

I am sure everyone close to him still misses him as much as I do but for me the feeling of lost has slowly been taken over by bigger scheme of things. Like planning what to do upon my up and coming retirement (in 5 months). And prioritising and re-prioritising my to do list.

There are days when I am still out of sort. You know, can't sleep, upset stomach, morning after hangover, low blood pressure. But it occurs less and less. But I am pretty sure that it will pass. Totally. Given time. If not it definitely means it has nothing to do with the after death-of-loved-one syndrome but maybe, just maybe, it is part of so-called mid life crisis or post menopause syndrome. LOL!

My period of 'eddah' will also be over soon. I look forward to seeing all the lovely people who has been good to me for the past few months. Scrap that. For the past one year and nine months to be more exact. Lets have lunch or coffee and a chat, shall we?

Meanwhile, to the handsome guy in the picture below, we love you forever and ever!

May Allah continues to bless his soul and place him with the chosen ones in Jannah. 
Aameen.

      

Sunday, 10 November 2013

Balance and Moderation

Anyway, follow up to what I have written last week on the composition of life, it struck me how important it is to have balance in our life. 

Almost everything that we do calls for a moderate mix. 

Let's see. To have a healthy life first and foremost, we need to have a balance diet. The right quantity of Vegetables, Protein and carb. Secondly, enough sleep and rest from the stress of work. A good   balance of work and 'play' is highly recommended be it you are a professional climbing up the corporate ladder or a college student striving for the elusive 4 pointer or that dean's list. 

What else...? Hah! How about the issue on the consumption of sugar. Even the government is trying to drive the fact that we are consuming too much sugar in our food and drinks which leads to diabetes. Yup, too much of a good thing can be bad. But try and go without sugar in totally. What will happen is we will get hypoglycemia. The total opposite of diabetic. Which is just as bad. 

In fact, even Islam calls for balance and moderation in everything that we do. Islam does not want us to go to either extreme. Not over indulge but not deprive either. Our religion highly recommends us to persue knowledge of the world for both this life as well as the hereafter. What's the use of praying 24 hours a day if we dont have any sustanence to stay alive! And a life full of worldly pleasure without a thought of the hereafter is also not worth the while. As one will find out eventually.

So there you go. There are so many examples and I can go on and on, but enough said. I think I have made my point. Its about striking a balance.

So, you know what to do. For sure it may not be easy for some but we have to try and keep to the routine until it becomes a habit. 

Meantime, good nite and enjoy the rest of the week end!
 

Composition

All my friends know how much I am into photography. I am no expert in this field, it is just a hobby. The thrill is to be able to capture the beauty of the scene or subject in the photo or even more satisfying to be able to capture the expression or the ambiance. Which is not something so easy to do. 

In photography, one of the skill or technique to capture a good shot is how the photo is being composed. A good example is in the photos below. The 3 photos shows the different angle on how a picture can be composed. The technique or the trick is to have the visual or composition to be simple or uncluttered, and if possible provide a balance, perspective and harmony to the photos. It will be easier of course if we have a theme in mind. All the award winning photos have these elements and more. Others also include framing, unity, rhythm, scale, to name a few.

Same goes with how we live our life. Our life can be "pleasant" too if we consciously live our life with certain rules in mind. Work to make it simple and uncluttered, keep our relationship with people around us in balance and harmony. And keep everything in a certain perspective. Like photography, it is something that we need to work at with a conscious effort for continuous improvement. 

I have not taken my camera for a walkabout for quite awhile. It is one of my top to-do-list for sure! 

To all the camera or photography enthusiast out there, hope that it had been a productive week end!




The one in Need


Sunday, 3 November 2013

My Sweethearts.

"Sesungguhnya anak itu adalah satu amanah yang telah di anugerahkan oleh Allah".

I have always feel that I am so blessed with all the goodness in this world and I constantly pray that I will be blessed with all the goodness in the hereafter as well. Ameen. 

One of my greatest blessings is my two girls. Feeling the love from them is akin to feeling the love from Allah. An overwhelming feeling of joyfullness and gratefullness and love. In multiple abundance. 

With Syaza turn 20 this year they are now  both officially an adult. What more with the demise of their father last July, both have to 'grow up' overnight and have to start taking up responsibilities of an adult. 

And though they have gone through some downtime like me, most of the time they have been wonderfully strong and even taken the role of the protector at times. How can one not feel blessed at all? If this is a 'test', they have triumphed easily. 

Triumph or not any decent mothers would constantly keep their children in their prayers. And my prayers would be:

May they be 'anak solehah' who have their faith in Allah at all times, turn to Allah at any time and do anything and everything for Allah and because of Allah.

Ameen. 

Note : Photo taken today before attending their cousin's wedding reception, wearing my lace kebaya and baju kurung (which don't fit me anymore). Don't they look so sweet and 'grown-up'?! *beaming with pride*


                        

Saturday, 2 November 2013

Sweet November!

Assalaamualaikum.

Alhamdulillah. It's November. I have been looking forward for November. November means the colours of autumm. It means cooler weather. It means a new year is approaching. 

It also means the last chance to meet a deadline or target. Or that year end exam for some. 

But I am not going to even think about that for now. I am just going to stay positive. Look at everything from the happy angle. View everything from a higher perpective.  

Oh. November also means my last leg of my eddah period. Which means at the end of the month the official "mourning" period is over. And I will be able to travel to see my Mom and Dad, have coffee with friends and go shopping. Yessss!

Allah is the Greatest ever! He has determined that 4 months and 10 days period of eddah for a very good reason. While I understood earlier the rational why we have to go through the eddah, now I fully understand waaaaay much better. Having personally gone through the emotional roller coaster  it explains the very reason why we need that long a period to totally get over our grief.  

But of course, even though the mourning period is over, and the grieving is now somewhat muted, the feeling  of lost and loneliness will creep in now and then. But thats normal. We are only human afterall.

Well, it's a long week end for most of us. With Monday and Tuesday as public holiday. Lucky for some, eh? Here's wishing everyone a wonderful week end with your beloved family and friend.

Cherio!

Tuesday, 29 October 2013

Family Love


Its Hanna's birthday. Her 23rd birthday. 

This year's birthday may not be as joyous an occasion as before as we are missing a member of our family in the celebration. A very important person in her life. The only person who understood her fear and ambition. The only person who can talk sense to her doubtful mind. Because they have so many things in common and similar ways of seeing things. 

Even though as a mother I can provide her all the love and affection, support and guidance, or whatever and whatelse, we both know that there are some things that only her father can give. 

At the same time, the turn of event has suddenly force her to carry a heavier responsibility. As the older sibling. 

My wish for her is for Allah to keep her safe, gives her success and happiness that she is seeking in this life and be granted even more in the hereafter. 

Ameen.

We love you so much, Hanna.
Forever and Ever.


P.S. Birthday message from Syaza to her sister below.

Tuesday, 22 October 2013

Time Heals

Its been 3 months since and it seems that time has stood still. At times. For me. There has been some ups and downs. As usual lah kan.... Many ups actually. Alhmadullillah.  

And little bit of downtime. 

Especially the third month. I would term it as a minor depression period. Sleepness night, morning after 'hang-over' and overall feelin of lethargic. And fear of meeting people.  I was afraid that  I would burst into tears if anyone ask how I was doing... Trying to stay cheerful while I was in pieces inside was not something that I could handle.  Which resulted in a major downtime for me. By my standard. 

Those days all I wanted to do was stay in bed all day in semi camatose.  The song by whatshisname came to mind. You know tha one that say 'Today I don't feel like doing anything, tee dee dee tee dee dee... !' 

Anyway, the doctor has kindly precribed a super large dose of "healing time". Time away from the whole world for me to grieve on my own. Technically known as medical leave. And panadol for the headache when needed. And antihistamines for the stuffy nose. Due to sleep deprived nights. 

So I was away from the office 2-3 days a week much to the chagrin of the people at work who were up to their eye balls preparing the Business Plan and AOP and stuff. So happen it was that time of the year when we practically sleep in the meeting room for days on ends. So happen the big boss was away and I was supposed to be in charged. So happen I was not in a good shape to face the world.

I even felt like quitting my job. Seriously!

And then one day, after about 3 weeks, I suddenly woke up feeling fresh and energetic and ready to slay the dragon! 

The doctor was right. All I need is time. But then again she did warn me that the 'down time' may happen now and again for quite sometime. Well, thats ok. I am more than ready for it now that I understand how it works.

To my family and friends who have never given up on me and given me room for a "time-out"..... BIG BEAR HUGS!!!


Wednesday, 9 October 2013

Moving on...

It's another one of those sleepness night. And it's been sometime since my last posting so I might as well do some update now. 

Why the sleepness night, you may ask...

It's a delayed reaction, the doctor said. A common experience for those who went through a similar situation. In my opinion I figured that one of the reasons for this sudden feel of something-is-missing is because I am being left idle with my little house make over project completed. The phase 1 anyway. I was doing so well the first two months  as I was kept busy and the girls being home during those time has also helped. Actually the project was supposed to keep all three of us occupied. And now that they have left for college and I have spring cleaned every corner of the house, I guess I have too much time in my hand and too much room in my mind.

So lets make an effort to move forward. Lets make some plan.

Top in my to do list is to start back photography as my hobby. My camera has been left idle far too long. Must be more than a year that I have used my DSLR. A good friend of mine has kindly taken the camera to the shop to have it checked and cleaned. And I got a new zoom lens to try out too.

And .... I have made plans for the month of December. First thing first, I plan to travel south to spend some time with my parents (at last!) and then north for a family wedding followed by a trip for umrah, insyaAllah. Mmmm... There could be spill over to January 2014. I also have made some tentative travelling plan for next year. Tee hee.....

And not forgetting the BIG plan. Things to do after retirement in May 2014. 

'Masih samar-samar' that one.

Anyway, just want to share with you what a fellow photography enthusiast came up recently. My all time favourite scene - a sunset. Courtesy from a full time achitect and great photographer school friend of mine. Thanks Ramly!

Yawn.... Goodnite. Actually it's almost morning. Zzzzz......

Sunday, 29 September 2013

Happy lazy Sunday!

After a kind of miserable week end last week I resolved that this week end will be a happy one. And indeed it has been a happy one so far and will continue to be so... InsyaAllah.

Its true what they say, we are in control of our own happiness. The weather may be gloomy and sad but that does not mean that we have to be gloomy and sad too. 

But then again I had help. Thanks to family and friends who have given their love and support. Not forgetting the show of love by giving me cheesekut and red velvet and tosei. Some of my favourite things. (The cheesekut is a recent addition by the way. Wink wink). And of course the time spent with me for breakfast and tea yesterday. 

So, even though the weather is still gloomy today and all the food are gone, I can still feel the love. In abundance.

To all my family and friends, have a wonderful Sunday with your loved ones, ok? Go ahead and do what you love doing most and make the most of today. 

Cheers!


Sunday, 22 September 2013

My Promise!


Stay Beautiful!


Dear Beloved...

Its such a gloomy day. And somehow it seems to reflect my mood. Or on the other hand it may have actually affected my mood? For I am feeling kind of lethargic. And... I had to confess, kind of sad too. 

Another confession coming. But before that may I ask you this? Do you find that time really flies and before   you know it its the end of the month or the end of a quarter or almost the end of the year? Well, for me, the last two months have been the longest months ever. I even find that the days are longer... Weird. I know.

This weather really calls for a lazy Sunday...... And I think the best thing to do is to crawl back under the blanket and hibernate for the rest of the day.... before I continue making more confession..

Zzzzzz.....




Wednesday, 18 September 2013

Aqiqah for new born baby

السَّلاَÙ…ُ عَÙ„َÙŠْÙƒُÙ…ْ ÙˆَرَØ­ْÙ…َØ©ُ اللهِ ÙˆَبَرَÙƒَاتُÙ‡ُ 

Salam satu Malaysia! Mengambil sempena Hari Malaysia yesterday!

Just a quick posting as a follow up to the last post on Tahnik. The next practice which is also 'sunnah' for new born babies is the 'aqiqah'. 

In my last post I also mentioned that the shaving of the hair of the baby is not sunnah but actually it is sunnah after aqiqah. I stand corrected. I shall edit the earlier post. Please refer to the link below.

http://www.al-azim.com/masjid/infoislam/ibadat/aqiqah.htm


Thursday, 12 September 2013

Welcome to the world...!

My niece has recently given birth to a much awaited baby boy on the 1 Sept 2013. She very much chose the date since she has to undergo the caesarian section. Family and friends are equally overjoyed with the arrival of the new addition in the clan.

A week later the parents had the 'tahnik' ceremony sometimes called 'majlis bercukur jambul'. For those who are not sure if this ceremony is a custom or a religious occasion can check out the link below. But in short, 'tahnik' is a religious ceremony (sunnah) and so is the 'bercukur jambul' or shaving off the hair on the baby's head. Although upon checking on the hadith the bercukur is supposed to be done after 'aqiqah' (will write about aqiqah in my next post) but its usually done after tahnik since aqiqah is done much later. And if you read the article in the link below, the 'tahnik' is actually good for the baby. And it has been scientifically proven too.

And during this occasion, the baby will officially be given a name.

This brings back memories of my two girls who both came back from the 'tahnik' with different names than that we have chosen earlier. I was not present in both occasion as I was at home in confinement while the ceremony was held else where. Since the names that we have chosen were deemed not so suitable, new names were suggested. Well, you know me...! No objection whatsoever. Just go with the flow...! And look how much my babies have grown! Alhamdulillah. I am a proud mother of two lovely girls. 

And today I had a wonderful news from a good friend of mine. She has just welcomed her first grandchild into this world, a grandson to be exact! Congratulation GrandMa! Alhamdulillah. May the new addition to the family brings greater joy and may he turn to be a great man in this world and the hereafter! Ameen.


http://mrcb.wordpress.com/2010/11/05/tahnik-adalah-sunnah-dan-kehebatannya-terbukti-melalui-sains/

Sunday, 8 September 2013

As I was looking out the window...

As I was sitting by the window, enjoying the breeze and cool weather, I felt truly blessed. Its a beautiful weather and I can still hear my late husband's voice saying 'It's a perfect weather for golfing!". Indeed it's good weather for any out door activities!

Tomorrow my girls will start a new semester after a long break. The long break means they have been home with me for the last two and half months which has given the three of us the emotional and moral support that we need from each other. But they have been amazing. At times I feel that they have provided me the support more than I them. They have taken over many thing that I used to do for them like attending family matters and grocery shopping for example since I have to observe the 'iddah' period. My husband did mention while we were at the hospital that we have good kids. *smiling with pride*

Anyway, from tomorrow it will be another "phase" of my life in a way, where I will be practically be on my own with the exception of my maid. Thank goodness for my loyal maid who has been with us for 20 years! And anyway they are not that far away, I would say within "hollering" distance. Hee...

To my two darling daughters, you are both in my constant prayers :
"Ya Allah, Ya Hayyum, Ya Qayyum. Jadikan mereka anak2 yang solehah, anak2 yang sentiasa beriman dan bertaqwa kepada Mu dan beramal ibadat kerana Mu, dan berikan mereka kejayaan di dunia dan akhirat".
Ameen.

P.S. Love you both to bits!



Take Care


Wednesday, 4 September 2013

Ayat Kursi

One of the most powerful ayat from the Quran to remember (memorise) and understand the deeper meaning of. Good to recite after each prayer, before sleep and before leaving the house and many more...

Wednesday, 28 August 2013

CARA MEMBANTU ORANG YANG SUDAH MATI BERDASARKAN AL-QURAN DAN HADIS

After my last posting, I was asked what then can we do to help our dearly departed in their afterlife. Hence I googled and found the link below which in my opinion has enough detail of what we can do upon the demise of our loved one. Hope this has helped one way or another...


http://syededlee.tripod.com/keunggulanislam/id128.html

.

O Allah! Ease upon him, his matters and make lightwork for him whatever comes hereafter and honour him with Your meeting and make that which he has gone to, better than that which he came out from. 

Ameen

HUKUM KENDURI ARWAH

Something else that I must share with everyone in relation to the wrong practice when there is death in the family is the "kenduri arwah". It is a practise that is actually not in the book of Islam. I wonder how it started. Anyway, we must not be pressured by family or friends to organise the 'kenduri arwah' just because its tradition. When it's wrong, we have to stop doing it. No two way about it. 
What should be the practise is for family or friends or neighbours to provide food for the deceased immediate family instead of the deceased immediate family providing food for others! After all they are grieving and at time in a state of shock therefore they should not be burden any further. 
Its not too late to change. No matter how challenging it is especially explaining it to the older relatives.
Anyway, I found a good and detailed write up with all the relevant supporting "dalil" and "hadith" with regards to this subject from a reliable source Ustaz Dr. Mohd Asri bin Zainul Abidin or known as MAZA on FB. With this knowledge it would be able to help us explain better.
 Lets be the catalyst of change! 
InsyaAllah.
_____________________________________________________________

Hukum Kenduri Arwah

Soalan: Apakah agama menyuruh kita mengadakan kenduri atau jamuan sempena kematian seseorang yang dinamakan dengan kenduri arwah. Sesetengah ‘ustaz’ akan mencerca sesiapa yang tidak mahu buat dan menganggap sesiapa yang tidak buat kenduri arwah macam tidak menghormati mazhab al-Syafi’i. Apakah ini benar?


Jawapan: Sesuatu yang hendak dikaitkan dengan agama ini mestilah mempunyai dalil yang membuktikannya. Dalam masalah jamuan sempena kematian, sahabat Nabi bernama Jarir bin ‘Abdillah al-Bajali menyebut:

ÙƒُÙ†َّا Ù†َرَÙ‰ الِاجْتِÙ…َاعَ Ø¥ِÙ„َÙ‰ Ø£َÙ‡ْÙ„ِ الْÙ…َÙŠِّتِ ÙˆَصَÙ†ْعَØ©َ الطَّعَامِ Ù…ِÙ†ْ النِّÙŠَاحَØ©ِ

Kami menganggap berhimpun kepada keluarga si mati dan menyediakan makanan termasuk dalam (hukum) al-Niyahah (meratapi mayat) (Riwayat Ahmad dan Ibn Majah; sanadnya sahih)

Berdasarkan kepada hadith, maka kenduri arwah bukan dari ajaran Islam, ia menyerupai perbuatan meratapi mayat yang dilarang oleh syarak. Maka, amalan itu adalah warisan jahiliyyah yang para sahabah elakkannya.

Malang sekali sesetengah pihak menganggap ini merupakan pendapat mazhab al-Syafi’i. Jawapan kita dalam masalah ini;

Pertama: pendapat siapa pun, mazhab apa pun jika berbeda dengan nas Allah dan rasulNya, maka apa yang ditegaskan oleh Allah dan rasul itu yang diperintahkan untuk kita pegang.

Kedua: karangan para ulama mazhab al-Syafi’i juga menunjukkan mereka tidak pernah menyukai perbuatan ini. Tokoh besar mazhab al-Syafi’i, al-Imam al-Nawawi (meninggal 676H) umpamanya dalam Al-Majmu’ Syarh al-Muhazzab menyetujui tokoh-tokoh mazhab al-Syafi’i yang membantah jamuan atau kenduri sempena kematian. Katanya: “adapun menyediakan makanan oleh keluarga si mati dan menghimpunkan orang ramai kepadanya adalah tidak diriwayatkan daripada Nabi s.a.w sedikit pun. Ia adalah bid’ah yang tidak disukai” (Al-Nawawi, al-Majmu’ Syarh al-Mahazzab, 5/320, Beirut: Dar al-Fikr.)

Demikian tokoh-tokoh semasa mazhab al-Imam al-Syafi’i, antaranya al-Syeikh Mustafa Khin, al-Syeikh Mustafa al-Bugha dan ‘Ali al-Syarbaji menulis dalam kitab mereka: “Daripada bid’ah apa yang dibuat oleh keluarga si mati adalah mengumpulkan orang ramai kepada makanan dengan munasabah yang dinamakan berlalunya empat puluh hari dan seumpamanya. Sekiranya perbelanjaan makanan tersebut dari harta peninggalan (si mati) dan di kalangan waris ada yang belum baligh, maka itu adalah dari perkara lebih haram. Ini kerana ia memakan harta benda anak yatim dan melenyapkannya bukan untuk kepentingan anak yatim tersebut. Terbabit juga dalam melakukan perbuatan haram ini setiap yang memanggil dan memakannya”.

Tambah mereka lagi: “Menyusahkan keluarga si mati dengan membuat makanan dan menghimpunkan orang ramai kepada makanan –seperti yang menjadi kebiasaan di zaman kini- adalah bid’ah yang bertentangan dengan sunnah dengan percanggahan yang amat sangat”. (Mustafa Khin, al-Syeikh Mustafa al-Bugha dan ‘Ali al-Syarbaji, Al-Fiqh al-Manhaji ‘ala Mazhab al-Imam al-Syafi’i, 1/263, Damsyik: Dar al-Qalam).

Bahkan kitab-kitab jawi Nusantara juga bertegas dalam masalah ini. Antara apa yang disebut oleh Syeikh Daud al-Fatani dalam Bughyah al-Talab: “(dan makruh) lagi bid’ah bagi orang yang kematian membuat makanan menserukan segala manusia atas memakan dia sama ada dahulu daripada menanam dia dan kemudian daripadanya seperti yang diadatkan kebanyakan manusia (dan demikian lagi) makruh lagi bid’ah bagi segala yang diserukan dia memperkenankan seruannya” (Daud al-Fatani, Bughyah al-Talab 2/34). Demikian juga kenyataan yang sama dibuat oleh al-Syeikh Muhammad Arsyad al-Banjari dalam Sabil al-Muhtadin (m.s 87), al-Syeikh Idris al-Marbawi dalam Bahr al-Mazi (7/130).

Kata Sayyid Sabiq dalam Fiqh al-Sunnah: Para imam (ilmuan besar) bersepakat tentang kemakruhan keluarga si mati menyediakan makanan untuk orang ramai lalu mereka berhimpun untuk jamuan tersebut. Demikian itu menambahkan kesusahan dan kesibukan keluarga si mati, juga menyerupai amalan masyarakat jahiliyyah. Ini berdasarkan hadis Jarir: “Kami menganggap berhimpun kepada keluarga si mati dan menyediakan makanan selepas pengebumian mayat termasuk dalam (hukum) al-Niyahah (meratapi mayat)”. Sebahagian ulama berpendapat perbuatan ini adalah haram”. (Fiqh al-Sunnah 1/508)

Maka perbuatan mengadakan kenduri sempena kematian adalah bid’ah, menyanggahi sunnah Nabi s.a.w.

ALLAH LEBIH MENGETAHUI
Dr. Mohd Asri bin Zainul Abidin


Tuesday, 20 August 2013

As time goes by...

A month has passed...

While I have been keeping myself busy with this and that be it at home and the office, I realised that there are many who are not familiar with the islamic law on "iddah". So, let me share a thing or two base on my own personal experience. 

Let us start with the definition of 'iddah' as found in babylon.com:
In Islamiddah or iddat (; period of waiting) is the period a woman must observe after the death of her spouse or after a divorce, during which she may not marry another man. The period, three months after a divorce and four months and ten days after the death of a spouse, is calculated on the number of menses that a woman has. Iddah was intended to ensure that the male parent of any offspring produced after the cessation of a nikah would be known.
End of quote.

Many a times I found myself having to explain to family and friends about this subject matter since the demise of my beloved husband a month ago. So allow me to take this opportunity to give a brief summary of the do's and don't's for women who are in a period of 'iddah' due to the death of her husband. 

First of all and most important of all, this is an islamic law (hukum syarak) as stipulated in  the Quran (refer to Surah Al Baqarah 2:234) hence it must not be taken lightly. The Quran states clearly that the period of iddah is 4 months and 10 days. Not 100 days or 3 months or whatever else. 

Secondly during this period the widow is forbidden (haram) from the following:
1) get engaged
2) get married
3) spend the night (or sleep over) in any other house other than the house lived with the late husband
4) leaving the house at any time unless its urgent and important
5) overly dressed

For item 1 and 2, the rational behind it is as stated in the definition of iddah above. While for item 3, 4 and 5, its meant to protect the women from malicious talk (fitnah). And in addition, during this time, women are so vulnerable and would easily becomes prey to unscrupulous men. Especially an ultra rich widow! 

I must emphasise further about the 'urgent and important' in item 4. Basically the rule is simple : unless its a matter of life and death, nothing else is urgent and important. Ok. Maybe with a few exception. I suggest that you check with your trusted ustaz or ustazah before you plan to do anything. For sure, it means no shopping, no hanging out at coffee shop, no sosial visit to family or friends even due to sickness and funeral. And it is not even recommended to do haj or umrah during the time of mourning.

And as for item 5, it is adviced during this period of mourning to be modestly dress to avoid attention and refrain from wearing make up, using perfume, wearing colourful dress (including shawl) and adorning jewelry. 

Anyway, I found a posting in a blog written with  a more detailed version in the following url: http://maznahsalamin.blogspot.com/2012/01/ayanglarangan-dalam-iddah.

It's exactly a month today since he was gone. Never a day that we don't miss him dearly and he is constantly in our doa: that he is granted jannah and be among the Chosen ones. Ameen.


Thursday, 8 August 2013

Blessed Memories

Change. It is not something that is easy for most. Even when it's for the better. Adapting oneself to make the change may take longer for some if one does not embrace the change.

And it gets even more difficult when you add matters of the heart into the equation...

Like a broken love affair for example. Or a failed marriage. 

Or death. Especially death of someone very close to you. Someone you practically live and breath with. Now I am not surprised when some people find it difficult to live and breath when something like this happens.

Worse still when it happens so suddenly. A road accident. A heart attack. Heart breaking indeed!

So. In a way, I feel blessed and thankful. Blessed that I have been given the time to prepare my self and my girls. Right from the beginning we have been hoping and praying for the best and yet preparing for the worst to happen. At any time. 

In addition, we had the good fortune to spend a lot of quality time together. Right till the end. So when it actually happened, it was hard, yes, but it did not feel like its the end of the world. I have to confess though that my brain actually went blank for awhile. I guess no matter how prepared we are we will never be totally prepared! Thanks goodness for friends and relatives who were there to take over matters at hand.

Concern friends and relatives frequently ask how we are doing. My usual answer is, it gets easier each day. Time heals, so they say. It has been only 20 days today after all. Of course we miss him.  Especially on a day like today.

Yup. We miss him dearly. And we will always will. But eventually every time we think of him, it will bring smiles instead of tears, laughter instead of sorrow. We will remember fondly of the many good times that we shared. Even the time when we were practically living in the hospital, we had some days of fun and laughter. Those precious moments will never be forgotten.

To all family members and friends, thank you for the kind thoughts, doa's, visits, and most important of all the emotional support extended to me and my girls during those trying time. We are eternally grateful for all you have done and only Allah can ever repay your heartfelt kindness. Jazakamullahu khairan kathira. May Allah rewards you an abundance eternal reward.

And in the occasion of the day, Eid Mubarak everyone! May Allah accepts our good deeds especially in  Ramadhan, and keep us steadfast in the straight path. Ameen.

Maaf zahir batin. 


Sunday, 28 July 2013

The Cloud & The Sand Dune

'Good morning,' the cloud said. 'What's life like down there?'
'I have the company of the other dunes, of the sun and the wind, and of the caravans that occasionally pass through here. Sometimes it's really hot, but it's still bearable. What's life like up there?'
'We have the sun and the wind too, but the good thing is I can travel across the sky and see more things.'
'For me,' said the dune, 'life is short. When the wind returns from the forests, I will disappear.'
'And does that make you sad?'
'It makes me feel that I have no purpose in life.'
'I feel the same. As soon as another wind comes along, I'll go south and be transformed into rain; but that is my destiny.'
The dune hesitated for a moment, then said:
'Did you know that here in the desert, we call the rain paradise?'
'I had no idea I could ever be that important,' said the cloud proudly.
'I've heard other older dunes tell stories about the rain. They say that, after the rain, we are all covered with grass and flowers. But I'll never experience that, because in the desert it rains so rarely.'
It was the cloud's turn to hesitate now. Then he smiled broadly and said:
'If you like, I can rain on you now. I know I've only just got here, but I love you, and I'd like you to stay here for ever.'
'When I first saw you up in the sky, I fell in love with you too,' said the dune. 'But if you transform your lovely white hair into rain, you will die.'
'Love never dies,' said the cloud. 'It is transformed, and besides, I want to show you what paradise is like.'
And he began to caress the dune with little drops of rain, so that they could stay together for longer, until a rainbow appeared.
The following day, the little dune was covered in flowers. Other clouds that passed over, heading for Africa, thought that it must be part of the forest they were looking for and scattered more rain. Twenty years later, the dune had been transformed into an oasis that refreshed travellers with the shades of its trees.
And all because, one day, a cloud fell in love, and was not afraid to give his life for that love.

P.S. Somehow the lovely story above reminds me of my late husband who has just passed away last week on Saturday morning. He was a kind hearted person who has 'touched' many. May Allah bless his soul and may he be placed with those whom He has bestowed His Grace in jannah. Ameen.

Tuesday, 4 June 2013

Life As It is

Ha ha ha...! The stuff that we put up with our spouses! 

My last post has triggered a hilarious discussion about our spouses antics and quirks. And funnily enough I have discovered that there are a number of common habits among men which wives have to grin and bear with. I should change that. It should be grit and bear it instead. Ha ha ha!

Wait. In case you are still lost, we are talking about the 3 stages of marriage between the honeymoon stage and the comfort stage. Ok. Back to the story.

The fact that we can laugh about it shows that we have accepted or come to term with it and decided to move on. There are just some things that cannot be changed. Yes, thats right! You can change their  wardrobe and even arrange a total make over but you can never change some habits that they seem to have been born with. So take it or take your leave! You either live with it and just continue to be baffled for the rest of your life or die trying (to make the change)! Hee....

By the way, the meaning of "grin and bear it" by Cambridge dictionaries online is "to accept something bad without complaining". My friends, please take note of the the last two words. Without complaining.  May I just take a moment to remind you: You know just as much how men hate to be nagged at, so no complaining and nagging please. Hurry up and go to stage 4 already! 

Well anyway. Since its Father's Day this month, here's wishing that all fathers will be the light of the life of their children, with or without their adorable antics and quirks! 

P.S. I wonder if men are having a good laugh over their wives behavior too...